I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
