There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Houston, we have a blender
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
