It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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