if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
