it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
