Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He passed out mid-signature
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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