and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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