So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
We are two peas in an std pod
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
