you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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