you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
