1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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