he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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