college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
