i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
