He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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