I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
