It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
There's always time for handjobs
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
