my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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