you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
