____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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