Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
