my mouth tastes like poor choices
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
