But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
