Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
