the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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