It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
