so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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