we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
