btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
