I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
