What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
