I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
