Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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