Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
