Kiss
Puke
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
