I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I will pee on everything he values.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Randomize
