My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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