apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
