I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
