Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
she peed on how many people?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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