I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
you had me at cake vodka
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
