I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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