Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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