I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
