I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
