i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
