Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Randomize
