I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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