I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
