What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
