Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
